Are your Relationships Transactional or Genuine?
Relationships that are transactional often have an underlying tone and quality to them. They exist to benefit either one or both parties, but they often prioritize what you do versus who you are. The benefits, at best, are bi-directional, but often they primarily serve to benefit one party over the other.
Here are some signs that you may be in a transactional relationship:
They reach out only when they need something or when you do something that benefits them.
They often ignore your boundaries, and place unrealistic demands or expectations on you.
They prioritize their time, but undervalue yours.
You may find yourself supporting them often, but it goes overlooked and does not feel balanced.
When a relationship is more balanced and genuine, you will discover that they:
Reach out to check in on you, or respond with a thoughtful message.
They re-evaluate or lower their expectations, and account for your needs as well.
They recognize that your time is valuable, and demonstrate this.
They support you just as you find yourself supporting them.
How do relationships get off-kilter? Sometimes, it develops from a sense of entitlement. One party feels entitled to a certain degree of treatment due to self-focus or lack of care. Or the relationship has an unbalanced degree of power, where one party assumes the upper hand. In order to rebalance this dynamic in your relationship, assume a position of self-authority. This can look like:
Expressing your needs or boundaries before they build up to become a problem.
Refuse to cater to others simply because you don’t want to “look like the bad guy.”
Command respect with a self-authoritative presence (this is different than authority over others)
Establish your role in the relationship by determining what treatment you are willing and not willing to accept.
The more you work on improving and shifting these relationship dynamics, the easier they become to recognize, sort through and re-calibrate. Of course, if you really are dealing with someone who has a strong sense of entitlement, the needle may not move much, and you may need to re-evaluate the person’s position in your life.
