Fear of Judgment and Where it Comes From (Hint: It is not all in your Head)

Many individuals have a fear of judgment. This can range from a single thought, such as “I wonder what that person thinks of me” to an intense negative interpretation of others, ie. “I bet that person hates me because they barely looked at me and frowned as I was talking.” It can cause individuals to internalize negative thoughts, avoid social situations, stop engaging with new people, and it can create a persistent feeling of social anxiety.

We all judge to some degree, it is a protective factor that allows us to assimilate with people who feel safe, and to discriminate when someone may be a potential threat. Beyond that, however, a “judgey” attitude toward others is generally not helpful. It can alienate individuals from a potential for lasting friendships, common alliances, and general good will.

For individuals who have grown up in strict environments, with enforced rules and high standards, judgment comes with the territory. It is necessary to assimilate in order to fit in, or to not “get in trouble.” This means that any part of your attitude, personality, or character that lies outside of these norms will be called out, and you may be criticized or punished for it.

So, then where does this intense fear of judgment start to form? Somewhere along the way, through all the shaming and criticism, and through being told you are “bad” in some form or another, you start to get the hint. Read: This is not in your head. In fact, some people don’t recognize that your fear actually is valid even when it is far from the truth.

Consider this, if someone has been bullied, lied and gossiped about, and people have misunderstood them their whole lives, why wouldn’t they be afraid of judgment? And to that note, the critical person sitting next to them is so busy projecting their fears onto them that they likely do not stop to think, “I am perpetuating judgment.”

So, let’s stop judging. Not in the normal healthy sense, (ie. that man over there in the corner has been staring at me for the past hour), but in the truly projective, harsh, and uncompromising sense. Because is it ever healthy to judge someone for their differences when you are afraid to experience the same thing?

If you have always felt that you needed a supportive environment to be heard, to be able to express to others that you have a fear of judgment, and to feel validated that given your experiences, this makes sense, you have come to the right place. We are here to help, and we are here to listen and to validate, to support and to guide, and ultimately to not judge.